Otuwel - Part Two

so it really bothered me, isaac's seeming lack of empathy - really, really bothered me. a friend recently told me that not everyone is going to possess it. could this be true? ouch! do you agree? do you think it can be taught, or at least modeled and learned by osmosis?! i would love advice on this one. i will tell you, though, what we are doing in the meantime, that seemed really drastic at the time, but has turned out to be pretty wonderful. we broke it to the boys as positively as possible. we told them that we were not going to watching t.v. or play on the computer for one week. okay, that is huge - it's a very favorite thing to which all three of our children look forward, not to mention, something jeremy and i have humanly taken advantage of when we need a break. their eyes grew in disbelief at this news. i explained that we were going to do an experiment to see if maybe the lack of advertisements would help them not want so many things. we have a rule at our house that when a commercial comes on, you have to fast-forward, but there's no keeping them from the advertisements that pop up everywhere on websites. i think this is why isaac is forever telling me the pros and cons of netflix?! or that disneyworld is the place where all his dreams will come true?! i've realized that these advertisements, in addition to some of the programs, are capturing too large a part of my children's hearts, and maybe not leaving enough room for that empathy i so want them to have. so the week came and went, and unbelievably, no one really said much about it. so last saturday night, feeling pleasantly surprised and optimistic, jeremy and i decided to maybe try it another week. then the next morning, i awoke to this really loud and very dramatic, but very sincere sobbing from the boys' room. i asked jeremy what the heck was going on, as he's more alert in those wee hours. he told me that isaac had already been into our room to announce that the one week was up and that he'd like to have his computer time please. jeremy broke it to the little guy that we were going to try it one more week. he was once again devastated. oh, how it pulled at my heartstrings hearing those sincere little sobs! i called for him to crawl in bed with me and assured him that we could still watch t.v. and do computer once in awhile, but that daddy and i just needed to discuss it and decide on some new rules, so in the meantime, we were going to take another week off. as i wiped his tears from underneath those specs, i reminded him of the fun week he and his brother had without technology. he calmed down a bit and even seemed to entertain the notion, albeit somberly. it was fun to watch him process the whole thing. so tomorrow is saturday, another week has passed, and jeremy and i have decided that saturday morning will be t.v. and computer time (and junk food cereal morning). remember when we 80's kids were little and had saturday morning cartoons? we're kind of looking at it like that. getting back to basics. needless to say, oliver and isaac are very excited for tomorrow morning. so is phoebe, although she isn't sure why - isn't that a hoot? all this drama. and all because isaac asked if we could go to lunch after church.

Otuwel

two weeks ago, on our way home from church, isaac had this great, novel idea to go out for lunch! oh trust me, he doesn't just say, "can we go out for lunch?" he knows that enthusiasm is contagious, so in a very animated way he says, "yooou knooow, mamaaaa, since we don't get to go to a.j. pickermans anymore, i had the ideeeaaaa that we should go somewhere else for lunch!" that was our tradition every sunday after church, until they went out of business, much to our disappointment. we explained that we were out of money for the month, so we were going to just eat at home.

• "but what are we going to have?"
• "we don't have anything exciting to eat."
• "now i have nothing to look forward to."
• "we never go out to eat anymore."
• "can we have our computer time?"
• "when can we have our computer time?"
• "what is for dessert?"
• "i don't like peanut butter and jelly."
• "are you going to use the healthy peanut butter or the good peanut butter?"
• "remember i don't like the bread with things in it."
• "when are we going to go to build-a-bear?"
• "you said we were going to go to build-a-bear."

i tried to remain calm as my blood pressure kept rising. i kept looking over at jeremy wondering if he was as appalled as i was. was i really hearing this? could my child be spoiled and ungrateful? how did this happen?! jeremy wasn't getting as worked up as me, which made me even more frustrated. i didn't know what to say. i wasn't sure how to handle this situation other than to say the usual, " "you should be happy to have anything to eat." "you know, isaac, that there are children in this world, even here in waterloo, that don't know where their next meal will come from." where did we go so wrong that our child was terribly upset that he had to eat a meal in the comfort of his own home?! the one minute drive home from church seemed an eternity, as the ungrateful questions kept rolling out. when we pulled into the garage, i marched ahead of everyone into the house, went straight for the computer, and desperately started googling many different combinations of the following words: starving children, africa video appropriate for children, ungrateful, greedy, spoiled, world vision, those less fortunate, world hope, sponsor a child, overindulgence. see this is what happens! my emotions get the better of me and i forget about my responsibilities. thank goodness for jeremy, who calmly started making lunch. but then i got all worked up again wondering why he didn't think this was a bigger deal and at the same time feeling a bit ridiculous at my possible over-reaction. i started freaking out that i couldn't find an article to explain how i should talk about this with my child - it was pertinent that we discuss this BEFORE we ate and while it was relevant! this was a teachable moment of which to be taken advantage. jeremy calmly, but with raised eyebrows, told me to calm down. he is so darn CALM! he said, "staci, they are only six. relax." "relax?! you didn't see that four year-old on oprah who didn't want any gifts for his bday because he had everything he needed and instead wanted everyone coming to his birthday party to bring a gift for a needy child! we've lost two years!!!" i finally quit looking for an article and pulled up a starving-children-in-africa video. i called for the kids to come to the computer. "there. pull up your chairs and watch. after you watch this video, you will feel happy to have peanut butter and jelly for lunch." as soon as the minute long video started, i began bawling. for once, i hoped the kids saw me cry. they watched the monitor very intently, but said nothing when it was over and didn't even comment on my tears. so i pulled up another video and hit play. jeremy said, "staaaaci, staaaaci, staaaaci. that's enough. relax. they get the idea." once again realizing how ridiculous my behavior was, i felt a bit silly and told the kids they could go eat lunch. unfortunately, they didn't seem too worked up. they didn't have as many questions as i had hoped and by now, i was out of energy. jeremy said some pretty great things. he's a man of few, but very effective words. i wish i had that. anyway, the boys brainstormed ways to get food to these kids and phoebe just repeated everything: oliver wanted to involve a canon to shoot the food over to africa and isaac said we could just make some extra sandwiches. i mentioned that maybe we could sponsor a needy child and explained what that meant, including the fact that we'd have to find a way to pay for that child. they seemed to think it was a good idea, as long as they didn't have to sell toys they liked in the garage sale. jeremy pulled up world vision, an organization we'd heard good things about, and let the boys choose a child to sponsor. they chose otuwel - a ten year-old zambian boy likes to play soccer. the minute they saw that little boy's face, they ran to get paper to write him a letter. oliver's said, "i love you. we are going to give you some toys." isaac's said, "how are you? can you tell me what your favorite subject is?" this left me feeling a bit more hopeful that all isn't lost in the empathy department. there is a little more to this story. stay tuned - i'll save it for 'otuwel - part 2'.

Where to Start or Stop?!

small group was at our house tonight. it was fun, as always. it's so crazy getting the house ready for everyone to come, but worth it. i enjoy myself so much more when my house is in order and somewhat clean. and now i get to start the week with a tidy house and that excites me - such a simple, but scrumptious pleasure. so here's where i'm at - everyone leaves around 9:00. the boys had already put themselves to bed, something they've started doing on small group nites, which is so cute and cracks me up. phoebe is running around, high from nutella, of which she just ate half the jar, and singing lullabies to her sleeping brothers. we finally get her to bed, jeremy relaxes in front of the t.v., and i sigh relief, feeling satisfied that we had a great evening with friends, but loving being in that place where i get to sit and do nothing but enjoy the fruits of my labor in my somewhat clean and tidy house. just sit and enjoy for a moment. ahhh, just sit. and enjoy. sure, there are the dishes and crumbs from our get-together, but those don't bother me right now because they are happy-from-just-having-company, those dishes and crumbs! so i don't feel the need to sit for too terribly long because remember, i'm in good spirits because of my somewhat clean and tidy house and want to build upon that somewhat clean and tidy house...but i don't know where to start...or stop...AND THAT IS MY PROBLEM - and trust me, i've got lots. the options are endless!

do i:

• quick take care of those dirty-but-happy-from-just-having-company dishes and crumbs?
• maybe start my nightly routine?
• call to see how mom is feeling today?
• plan my day tomorrow?
• go to bed early?
• work on the shutterfly photobook that i hope-to-but-probably-won't finish for my mom's mother's day gift?
• try a few of the creme-filled chocolate chip cookies that melissa brought for the kids' snack and forgot to take home when she left?
• create and hang up a few new routines for the boys that i've been thinking about and know will make tomorrow run more smoothly?
• finish planning the summer?
• reply to email that i now officially neglect?
• blog about otuwel (another topic for another day)?
• fill up my new money organizer envelopes?
• check facebook to see if anyone wants to be my friend?
• debrief the day with jeremy because there is lots to debrief - the fact that oliver, and therefore, isaac didn't want to go to children's church this morning, why the butter cake didn't turn out, why he didn't brag on our relationship during the marriage discussion at small group?

so i ask my new personal life coach, jeremy. he says, "let's just go to bed." i say, "hey, wanna come look at my accidental decorating job in the laundry room?" linda had complimented my accident while here for small group, which thrilled me, so i sought just a bit more admiration from hubby. on our way to the laundry room, i handed him the boys' 60 ice cream social raffle tickets that they get to sell. he smirked at my accidental decorating and told me he doesn't do selling of raffle tickets. rather desperately, i said that neither do i! coach said, "we'll just send them with kim." i said, "we can't just send them with kim. isaac wants to sell them to the new neighbor!" he said, "not the tickets. the boys. send them with kim to sell the tickets." smart man, that jeremy. falling into me, he handed the tickets back, and said that he could keep his eyes open no longer - he gets the last say about the tickets because now i'm laughing (i'm still in a good mood because of my tidy and somewhat clean house) at his dramatic sleepiness. if i wanted to talk to him any longer i needed to talk in bed. so i got comfy in my comfy pants and tennis shoes (i didn't get ready for bed because i wasn't yet ready for bed because i still had to enjoy my down time in my somewhat clean and tidy house) and climbed into bed next to jeremy. it didn't take long before i was talking to him instead of with him and once again found myself wondering where to start...or stop!!! instead of falling asleep with my contacts in and unbrushed teeth, like i did last night, i got up, and found myself here, ranting from the pink checkered floor. i've accomplished absolutely nothing. but i did write and it feels really good. it feels good to have the floor and get these thoughts out of my head. well, now it's too late to start anything, so i guess i'll stop and go to bed!

Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep

i know the lord my soul will keep! but if i should die before i wake...

i want you all to know that i will die a happy woman because i had one-of-the-most DELICIOUS desserts of my entire life tonite at red lobster - chocolate chip cookie lava cake. need i say more?